The World-Odd Place To Hang Out

So I was at a bar last night
(surprise)

and I noticed that right out in the open this bar had a Crock Pot (aka slow cooker)

I am not sure if this is really odd or if I have been just been sheltered, I mean I have an idea of what is kept in a bar kitchen, but that is behind closed doors, this Crock Pot had come out of the kitchen and was just sitting there.

Right behind where the Karokoke was set up.

and I noticed it while I was singing...

Sweet Child O' Mine

I was overwhelmed

AND I had a 32 measure break in the song

AND I was (shocker) intoxicated.

I shared my feelings on the Crock Pot.

With the bar.

And realized if I could always have a microphone, I would be happy,

Here's to you, Ahhh Haaaa Haaa Sweet Crock Pot Of Miiiiinnnnneee Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh Sweet Love Of Mine.......



I really should quit drinking

What I Would Of Done

So the flowers were an amazing surprise, as was the massage gift certificate and godiva (orgasm) chocolates that he had sent to my house

BUT

shortly thereafter I decide to be a drama queen...


AND I QUOTE (sort-of)

"the flowers and all were nice, but all I really want is to see you again....."

and me again....

"listen this isn't going to work, when are we even going to see each other again and how do you expect me to believe that you are serious about moving out here and who is to even say that it would even work if you moved out here, because I struggle with commitment that is why we are just friends right now and you are going to change your life and move here and what if you realize that I am insane and you don't want to be around me because I complain a lot and I will ask you to do stuff for me then get mad if you do it or if you don't and you will feel like you can't win and-----at this point I am quite impressed that he hasn't hung up or fallen asleep or called a mobile psych unit, so I take a deep breath and

-----then we just end up fighting and you end up hating me but you don't feel like you can leave and then I will be unhappy and I will cheat on you and you will call me an evil slut and we will stop having all that amazing sex and the you will leave and I will be heartbroken

AND HE SAYS....

You really miss me don't you?

I whisper/whimper

Yeah.

He tells me sweet dreams and he will talk to me in the morning.

Then I check my email.


.........Ticket Information
Passenger(s): JOSEPH B****
Delta Air Lines record locator: D0Q1OQ
Ticket type requested: electronic (e-ticket)
CheapTickets record locator: OE2390U8Airline ticket number(s): 0061551213344
Thursday, March 2, 2006Delta Air Lines # 443......


And that is how I knew it was serious and he was serious.
(Take notes boys that is how it is done)

He did what I would of done-which is what I have really wanted all this time.
and it wasn't the flowers or the chocolate or the massage, it was him that made my heart melt.


(CPW...go ahead shoot twice to make sure Im dead)

Why I Can'T Bitch About Valentines Day This Year

The card is quite sweet as well...I still think this is an over rated and trite holiday.

Don't hate me.

Sorry I Got Nothing-And Everything

I tried to fight it.
I ignored it.
Denied it.
Made lists of reasons against it.
Called it stupid, absurd, ridiculous.
Impossible.

He wouldn't let me. He wouldn't shut up. He kept saying all this stuff about taking risks and that he was worth the risk that I was worth the risk for him. All this stuff that I had said before, but it sounded so different coming out of someone else's mouth.

He didn't care about my denial, reasons, or how stupid, absurd, or ridiculous I thought it was, he wasn't going to give up.

So I caved.
I told the truth.

I am madly in love with Joe.

How is this going to work?
I have no idea.

What in the hell am I doing?
I have no idea.

When was the last time I was this happy?
I have no idea.

How did this happen?
In his words...
So I'll go out tonight, I'll go to the bar again
Drink some company
Friends of friends pour in
there's one girl that catches my eye
but i dismiss and sip
Pitcher of beer that needs to be consumed
Jump at the challenge
Vonnegut?
No shit
Conversations ensues
Interest sparked
She's beautiful and smart
Dangerous
Fast forward
Highly intoxicated, departure eminent
What's this on the napkin?
Contact information
Thanks
thank you napkin

Fast Forward

Phone calls and emails
No escape from infatuation
this girl's has it
whatever IT may be
there is definitely a surplus
Every night we talk, everyday my in box is blessed

Fast forward

Flight to Atlanta and then Greenville
so excited
what a weekend
what a woman
recollection fails me as to the last time I've felt this happy
Long walk down the stairs
to the inevitable goodbye
curse the rent a car for not breaking down
and I watched her go

Fast Forward

Can't stand to be apart
my heads full of you all day
my nights answer to my phone
It's only a matter of time,
and it's only time

thank you for being who you are
thank you for everything up to this point
thank you
______________________

He has no idea that I am the one feeling thankful...

Dear Alcohol-

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As myfriend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-workcocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays,hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midstof endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering aboutyou r intentions. While I want to believe that you have my bestinterests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwiseconsequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance ornecessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want tohear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggestthat I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball andsome stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Katafter a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater,but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need todo more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It'! s comple tely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyondme. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is gettingridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening'sdebauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility iscompletely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interferewith my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would liketo ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review mygrievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,Your biggest fan

Brandy

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

The E-Mail That Is The Result Of What Happened Between Eggrolls

Date: Tue, 31 Jan 2006 03:35:42 -0800 (PST)
From: "joe " the_astro_zombie_massacre@yahoo.com
Subject: a confusing conundrum, a magnificent mess
To:"Brandy" drunkdialinginbrandyland@yahoo.com

a confusing conundrum, a magnificent mess
with nobody to blame but the players themselves
no script, impromptu performance
marionettes dance
tug and pull
tension and slack
the heart and brain swap control of the reigns
dance
the audience as unaware
as unsure
as the actors

the dance continues

beautiful choreography
heavenly music
the rhythm perfected
the melody divine
still lost somewhere in the maelstrom
it faintly calls through the chaos
amidst "what are we doing?" winds and "how did we get here" hail
the siren's song calls
enticing and beautiful
promising
is it possible, just this once, they do not beckon towards resentful rocks?

a young boy wonders
debates
contemplates

and she breaks

"i love you but i don't want to do this to you"
is it selfish to want you in my life?
a young boy wonders
debates
contemplates

maybe we need to take a break

doubtful that he can
a young boy
confused and unsure
"i can't cut you out of my life"
feelings run deep
so in fact
the blood pressure increases


love
profound and new
longing
painful and true
Death and taxes joined by two new certanties
everything else
is still just a gamble
a chance
a risk
a confusing conundrum, a magnificent mess
___________________________________________________________________

*Sigh* And he drew my portrait...he listens, we laugh, we connected on so many levels-a true testiment of God's sick and twisted humor.
But I have to walk away and I hope he understands.
I am not moving there, he has no plans to move here-the other side of the country is just too far.

It was an amazing weekend, but to try and have him in my life now, now that I know what I am missing-that is torture and I can't do it. Although, I too am not sure how I am going to be able to stop and walk away.